25 November 2011, Friday at 2.40pm.
It was the utmost breakdown I ever had in my life, perhaps the saddest day of my family's diary. My beloved Papa has left us forever to see Yang Maha Esa.
Before this I have always wondering how it feels when someone you love died and I also always pray to God that I won't encounter such situation...BUT you cannot deny His will. As the Malay proverb says, "setiap yang hidup pasti akan pergi kepada penciptanya jua". Yes it is true indeed.
On this particular day, my all time fear has finally come to greet me. The moment that I never want to experience has finally picturized in front of me. My beloved Papa lost his battle against his failing heart and he has gone forever. He will never come back and I won't be able to see his smile, hear his laughter and feel his hand caressing my forehead while listening to my endless stories anymore. *cried*
I will always remember that day forever. It was the 10th day he was hospitalized in Hospital Raja Perempuan Zainab II (HRPZ II). The night before was my turn to sleep at the hospital to teman my mother. I normally take turn with my eldest sister, Kak Long. Sepanjang berada di hospital, memang tidur was the biggest challenge cos tiap2 hari tidur tak cukup. More so when we have to sleep at the hospital. Normally waktu melawat will be 3 times per day, considering this is the intensive care ward so they limit the visitors' contact with the patient. Papa was warded at High-Dependancy Ward (HDW) because when he was admitted, there was no vacancy at the CCU (intensive care ward for heart problem patients). Relatives can start visiting patients as early as 6.00am-7.00am. Normally those who visit at that time will be those who sleep at the hospital. Ye la kan, kalo yang dok jauh2 tu sure leceh nak melawat pepagi buta. Next is at 1.00pm-2.00pm and the last one is at 5.00pm-7.00pm. Actually, sesapa yang datang melawat tu mesti tak puas hati cos only 2 visitors are only permitted to enter at a time. Pak guard there quite strict sbb diorg takut kena marah ngan nurse yang dah memang sedia garang macam singa lapar. Duhhh!! hospital gomen...enough said! Sepanjang 10 hari papa warded memang banyak la citer membabitkan nurse2 singa ni. Pfft! So malas nak citer panjang. Buat menyakitkan hati ajo..
OK back to the story again... I considered myself as lucky cos the night before Papa left I slept at the hospital with my mother and I had the chance to see my father that morning. Normally, pagi2 dia akan buka mata and acknowledged our presence by nodding his head. We could not see his facial expression since he was wearing the oxygen thingy. However that morning he barely spoke and even barely opened his eyes. I remembered he was complaining that he was in pain. I comforted him by caressing and kissing his forehead. I even whispered kalimah shahadah to his ears. After a few minutes, his eyes started to look at 'something' and were rolling as if he was following 'its' movement. Mama said he was looking at some evil spirit (syaitan) which normally trying so hard to influence when a person is too weak or in sickness. When we tried to wave our hands at him, Papa seemed not to see us. Agak kecut jugaklah masa tu. Mama kept on reciting Yaasin and al-Fatihah and I whispered kalimah shahadah to his ears. From that moment, Mama told me that Papa was about to go but I always menyedapkan hati to say that Papa will be healthy and live longer after this.
Pagi tu lepas waktu melawat I went back home sorg2 cos nak balik mandi & curi2 tido kejap..huhu. Kat rumah pulak memang takde org langsung & sunyi tu memang sgt2 terasa. I tried to sleep somehow I couldn't. Orang kata maybe mainan perasaan sbb I have been thinking a lot these past few days. Whenever I tried to sleep, macam ade org panggil je bisik kat telinga "Jee!". It's not scary at all but you can feel something. So then I decided to get up and bersiap-siap nak gi hospital to breakfast with Mama and my sisters. Masa dok lepak2 sambil tunggu pukul 1.00pm for waktu melawat, my friend Nur Aida text me to see me before he went back to Kuala Krai for the weekend. Oh ya...she was my schoolmate since I was in Form 1 and she is now a doctor in HRPZ II doing her housemanship. So we all pon pegi lah lepak kat Cafe Hospital across the building.
We talked about my Papa's condition and she explained to me almostabout everything related to Papa's well being. Ye la kan, kita ni bangsa yang x reti bahasa doktor nih. Kalo cakap bahasa lawyer mungkin masih boleh difahami :) Masa tengah borak2 tu Kak Long suddenly called and asked me to immediately come to the ward because Papa dah macam nazak and hardly recognized people around me. So Aida and I quickly went inside the ward and my whole family were already there reciting Quran, Yaasin & ajar Papa mengucap. Masa masuk tu Mama ckp Papa kena sawan (medical term is fitting..hopefully i spell it right). Daripada pukul 1.00pm-2.00pm tu adalah dalam 12 kali Papa kena sawan tu. I had to pegang his head to prevent it from goyang any harder. Memang perit sgt tgk Papa tanggung kesakitan masa tu. Still terngiang2 macam mana suara dia masa kena sawan tu. Then the doctor came and gave him some kind of medicine to ease the fitting. Masa pukul 2.00pm tu kan pak guard dah datang round and suruh kitorang keluar. Mama memang berat hati sangat nak tinggal Papa. Nasib ada Aida. She was willing to wait by Papa's bed to monitor him while we were outside. Masa we all keluar ward tu Mama cakap dia nak balik mandi since daripada smlm ptg she didn't bathe tapi tu pon teragak2 nak balik sbb takut jadi apa2. Then I said boleh je nak balik tapi sekejap je... Mandi, solat & trus dtg sini. Mama then asked Kak Long and Kakak to stay & standby if anything happen.
Sampai umah lebih kurang 2.15pm. Then Aida called and she said Papa dah relax and ubat tu dah mula berkesan. She said dia dah kejutkan Papa and suruh Papa mengucap. Alhamdulillah Papa did. She even said nak asked Specialist for permission nak suruh Mama duduk dalam ward tggu Papa since dia kata tak sedap hati tgk Papa's condition. Nak dijadikan cerita I charged my phone upstairs and left it there. I went to Mama's room to pray. Lepas tu tergerak hati nak naik atas tgk phone kot2 ade sesapa call then it was quite shock to see HRPZ II's missed call.