28 November 2012

Kasih Papa Tiada Penghujung

25 November 2012. Genap 1 tahun Papa pergi tinggalkan kami sekeluarga mengadap Sang Pencipta. Rasa seperti baru semalam Papa pergi. Ini bermaksud sudah 365 hari. Suatu waktu yang cukup panjang.

Walau Papa tiada, memori beliau tetap utuh bertakhta di dalam fikiran kami sekeluarga. Tiada siapa dapat menggantikan beliau, our greatest hero. Terlalu singkat Allah berikan masa pada saya untuk bersama Papa. Hanya selama 27 tahun. 

Papa adalah seorg yang sangat penyayang, terlalu memanjakan kami adik beradik, especially me. Being the youngest, Papa selalu memberikan apa yang sy mahu. Kehidupan kami sekeluarga tidak senang dan tidak susah tetapi Papa telah menjadikan ianya satu kisah kehidupan yang amat manis untuk kami kenang. Teringat ms zaman sekolah, saya tidak pernah berpeluang untuk menyertai school's play sebab kena bayar harga kostum. Hanya RM10 diperlukan tetapi Papa tidak suka membazir ke arah itu. Bagi Papa RM10 waktu itu adalah satu jumlah yang agak besar, boleh digunakan untuk membeli lauk harian sebagai makanan sekeluarga. Kalau saya mahu beli buku atau makanan, Papa akan segera memberi. Papa mahu kami semua berjaya dan mengubah kehidupan kami sekeluarga. Papa cakap, belajar rajin2 sampai ke universiti, nanti boleh beli rumah cantik dan pakai kereta besar. Kalau dah berjaya, ada duit nanti boleh beli apa sahaja yang yang saya mahu. Alhamdulillah, Papa sempat lihat kami adik beradik berjaya tetapi Papa tidak sempat lihat rumah baru saya, yang dibeli hasil titik peluh sendiri. 

Papa ternyata seorang ayah yang sangat penyabar. He is indeed one of a kind. Tidak pernah sekali Papa 'naik tangan' pada kami adik beradik perempuan. He taught us well,  I suppose. Alhamdulillah, saya syukur sebab Papa gave us pendidikan agama yang cukup. For some areas which I dun really sure, Papa would always be the point of reference. Dua tahun lepas, Papa sendiri telah menikahkan saya tetapi saya tidak tahu bahawa tahun berikutnya dia akan pergi buat selamanya. Syukur juga dikurniakan suami yang begitu menyayangi, sehebat kasih sayang Papa pada saya. 

Terlalu banyak cerita untuk dikongsi tentang Papa. Tulisan berkajang2 pon belum tentu memadai. Cukuplah sekadar berkongsi cerita untuk dikenang bersama, selamanya.

Dear Papa, you are my greatest hero. The only one who never looked down on me, giving and showering me with your endless love. I love you so much and I won't stop missing you forever. Semoga Papa ditempatkan di kalangan orang2 yang beriman. Till we meet again in Jannah, Pa. Insya Allah.




23 November 2012

Pregnancy and Me

Waaaahh... Tajuk entry memang mengundang kontrobersi.

Hakikatnya saya masih belum ada rezeki tetapi hanya mahu sekadar berkongsi cerita.

Last 3 weeks, saya dan suami pegi jumpa Gynea dekat Hospital Pantai Kuala Lumpur. Sebab jumpa adalah untuk buat thorough check-up untuk my menstrual problem. Ye la kan, to conceive a baby you need to menstruate regularly. Barulah tau bila waktu subur atau pun tidak. In my case, I did not menstruate for 1 year! Yeah, you heard me right. ONE WHOLE YEAR!

Saya memang mengalami masalah irregular period before I got married. Tapi tahap irregular tu takdela irregular sangat. Just missed sebulan then after that dia ok balik. Things started to be haywired right after I got married. During the 1st 9 months of our marriage, I went to seek a gynea's opinion on my problem. She is quite famous and a few friends suggested me to go and see her for treatment. Ade pangkat Dato' lagi kat pangkal nama. Kau hada? Nan hadoooo!

She scanned my womb and showed us that my eggs are in good condition and basically there is nothing serious about it. It's just that the eggs were pre-mature and that was why I didn't menstruate regularly. So then kami balik lah. Lega sebab ingatkan problem besar sangat. The gynea also informed that the irregular cycle was due to the hormonal changes in my body, caused by many factors; one of them could be stress.

After jumpa tu, lega sangat rasa and sekejap lepas tu saya datang period. Maka hakak nii bersungguh, gigih jaya usaha dan bekerja keras untuk conceive but unfortunately rezeki masih belum ada. The next month onwards saya kembali tidak period and until now. ONE YEAR. haih!

Ramai mungkin bertanya, kenapa selepas 1 tahun baru nak jumpa gynea tanya apa problem? Jawapannya sangat ringkas dan mudah. MALAS dan SUKA TANGGUH.

Lately, tetiba rasa macam sunyi sangat. Especially bila Hubster keluar beriadah. Tinggal la saya kelip2 depan tv. Tetiba terpikir, kalau ade baby boleh jugak jadikan teman. So, it happened that Hubster's colleague shared her story with Hubster and her problem is 80% similar to mine! She went to see a gynea in Pantai Hospital Kuala Lumpur, Dr. Adilah Ahmat. A fertility specialist. Then saya sgt nekad untuk berjumpa beliau dan 3 weeks lepas maka kami bersua muka. Ecececeh!

Dr.Adilah is indeed the best gynea I've ever seen. She is so informative and bila dia bust scan dalam memang sgt2 gentle. The best part is dia takdelah intai sgt your 'down under', unlike the last gynea I went. Dgn nurse2 lagi dok teropong je. Haish! Malu okkkkk!

She said that I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome or PCOS. Normally caused by accumulated immature eggs in the ovary. For every month I didn't menstruate, the eggs stucked and it prevents the new egg from blooming, burst into normal period. In addition to that, my estrogen hormone is very low which prevent me to have regular cycle of period. So that is why I did not menstruate regularly.

Dr.Adilah is a ferility specialist and she will help you until you get pregnant. For starter, she gave me Duphaston (hormone meds to stimulate and increase the estrogen level so that you bleed), Acid Folic, Multivitamins and ubat subur called Clomid, to be consumed on the 3rd day of my period. Dr. Adilah advised me to wait around 1 week after the last tablet of Duphaston to take effect. Alhamdullilah, on the 5th day I bleed and on the 3rd day of period I started consuming Clomid (2x daily for 5 days). She asked me to do blood test on the 3rd day of period too and I did as instructed. The next follow-up would be on the 12th day from the 1st day of period. 

Revicon : Multivitamin to be eaten for 1 month (it boosts my appetite.pffft!)

Acid Folic : To prepare for pregnancy later

Duphaston : Hormone meds
Clomid : Ubat subur

Today is my 12th day of period and I went to see Dr.Adilah this morning. My blood test result was out too. (Scary mode on! Takut if ade penyakit yang tidal dinging. Mintak dijauhkan ya Allah). Alhamdulillah, everything is looking pretty good except my blood count is quite low (Dr.Adilah cakap macam org sakit kurang darah.erk!). The result also shows that I have PCOS with high insulin level and abnormal cholestrol level too. Maybe because of my weight, I guess. Nampaknya kenalah keep on working out to slim down. Uwaaaaa!

She scan dalam jugak harini. I could see that there 3 eggs; 2 in the right ovary and 1 in the left one. My left ovary is not quite normal because it melekat ke dalam and it happened that the egg in the left one yang agak bear (15mm) compared to the right one (around 8mm in diameter). She informed that normal egg yang senang nk senyawakan is about 20mm in diameter. Sedih kan? She wanted to see me again on 28 November as she suspected the new fresh egg will come out around 26 or 27 November. Hence she asked me to 'bersama' with Hubster from today onwards, selang 1 hari. So I guess I gotta work sooo hard this time! Insya Allah kita ikhtiar apa yang patut, selagi mana kita boleh ikhtiar. The rest we will have to pray and let Allah does what HE does best for us. 

Today, Dr.Adilah kasik 2 months supply of Metformin, meds to lower my insulin level and to lower the risk of having penyakit kencing manis. I googled the meds and it's actually used to treat 2nd level diabetic patient (some kind of weigh loss meds) and also to treat PCOS. Dr.Adilah said I may experience some weight loss after this as it actually can cause you to buang air besar regularly. Takpe lah. As long as it is for a good cause. Nanti follow-up on 28 Nov ni she said she'll give me higher dose for ubat subur lagi.

I hope everything will run smoothly and Hubster always advised me to never stop praying. Allah boleh buat apa sahaja and miracle could happen. Who knows kan? 

Oklah. Quite a long entry this time and I hope I shared something which is beneficial to all of you out there who has the same problem as me.

Kbye.
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