Luahan Hati

Only God knows my feeling at this moment...

I have been married for 1 year 5 months now and I haven't been blessed with any bundle of joy. Only God knows how I wanted a child of my own so badly. Despite all that, I am lucky enough to have an understanding husband who stood by me, the one who never ask or whine of not having a baby. He won't dare to ask or even put up the issue as he knows at the end of the day I will end up crying.

We've been through ups and downs together with lots of rows and quarrels in between for the past 1 year and 5 months. He's been the most sweetest husband on earth so far. If only he knew that I wanted to give him a baby, to color our life together. 

I went to seek gynea's views on my situation and I even had my womb inspected to see whether I have problems. Everything is fine, like what the gynea said. I have fresh, healthy eggs but the only problem that time was the eggs were premature since I did not menstruate properly. And now since my menstruation becomes regular, I have been trying to conceive but still no rezeki yet. It is quite stressful when people keep asking you the same question all over again : "bila nak dapat baby?"

Lagi menyakitkan telinga bila ade mulut2 puaka yang asyik dok mengata kat belakang saying that I am infertile. Honestly, I am terribly hurt and sad at the same time. Sapa yang tak teringin nak timang anak sendiri kan? Dah kalau Allah tak kasik kami rezeki lagi nak buat camno? Takkan nak lawan takdir tuhan ye tak? Tapi bila pikir2 balik, maybe Allah has something in store for me. Maybe Allah has better plans. I always say to myself that I wanna provide the best for my child. Insya Allah, the time will finally come. Mama always comforted me to be patient and just accept whatever possibilities that Allah has put in place for us. Always think positive and the most important thing is that never stop praying...:)

May the force be with me. Insya Allah.

p/s : Rasa lega after letting go of whatever I kept inside for so long...